A 29-year-old police officer whose wife is pregnant with their first child is shot on the streets of New York. For days, his life hangs in the balance. He lives, but the shooting leaves him a quadriplegic. A young woman in Texas is brutally raped, beaten with a hammer, stabbed and left for dead. Although she survives, the incident leaves her emotionally devastated.

A 7-year-old Cleveland boy lives through the mysterious murder of his mother. His father is arrested for the crime and convicted in a sensational trial that gains national attention. Ten years later his father is freed from prison after the real murderer is located. But irreversible damage has already occurred. The boy’s childhood is over, his family shattered.

The victims in these three unrelated stories have more in common than having suffered tragic, brutal crimes. All three have been able to regain control of their lives by learning the power of forgiveness.

Social benefits of forgiveness

An old saying reminds us, “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” According to new studies, forgiveness also provides a vitally important dimension of human life, especially for those who have been victimized by life-changing tragedies.
The effect of forgiveness on social and interpersonal relationships is obvious. In marriage and families, on the job and at school, forgiveness can mend relationships torn asunder by destructive words and actions.

Forgiveness has widespread social applications. Realization of its value has led to the development of the restorative justice movement, which initiates conferences between crime victims and jailed perpetrators. More than 300 such programs are now in effect throughout the United States, including a million-dollar, religious-based juvenile justice initiative in Florida.

Forgiveness and health

Recent research and examples, such as those related above, reveal that forgiveness also promotes the emotional and physical health of victims. On the other hand, holding on to bitterness, hatred and desire for revenge can cause serious emotional and physiological problems that compound the suffering of the victim. Those who nurture these powerful emotions fail to realize the damage that they are bringing on themselves. As one person put it, “Holding on to anger is like taking poison and waiting for someone else to die.”

A leader of an uprising against the Warsaw ghetto described the bitterness that remains in his heart over how he and his neighbors were treated by the Nazis: “If you could lick my heart,” he says, “it would poison you.”

Researchers are discovering that this statement may be literally true. Social scientists are learning that forgiveness can help restore emotional and even physical wholeness to suffering victims.

Health benefits of forgiveness

Funded by a $75,000 Templeton grant, a forgiveness laboratory has been set up at Hope College in Holland, Michigan. A Time magazine article reports that Dr. Charlotte van Oyen Witvliet finds “robust physiological differences” between unforgiving and forgiving responses (David Van Biema, “Should All Be Forgiven?” Time, Jan. 23, 2001).
“Subjects’ cardiovascular systems inevitably labor when they remember the person who hurt them. But stress is ‘significantly greater’ when they consider revenge rather than forgiveness. Witvliet suggests that we may be drawn to hold grudges ‘because that makes us feel like we are more in control and we are less sad.’ But interviews with her subjects indicate that they felt in even greater control when they tried to empathize with their offenders and enjoyed the greatest sense of power, well-being and resolution when they managed to grant forgiveness. ‘If you are willing to exert the effort it takes to be forgiving, there are benefits both emotionally and physically,’ she concludes” (ibid).

Clinical psychologist Joseph Neuman of East Tennessee State University is currently engaged in a research project seeking to learn more about the link between forgiveness and physiological health. Dr. Neuman observed: “When I treated patients with cardiovascular diseases, I was struck with how many were bitter, angry and depressed. It clearly affected their health and their ability to heal.” His experimentation seeks to document the cardiovascular benefits of forgiveness. “Theologically speaking, forgiveness is an Act of God,” says Neuman. “In terms of health care, forgiveness could save your life.”

Forgiveness and addiction recovery

On another front, the Forgiveness for Addiction Treatment Project, also funded by the John Templeton Foundation, has established an addiction treatment program based on forgiveness. Positive results are anticipated in their treatment summary:

“It is expected that, as a result of participating in the intervention programme, clients will experience improved ability to value and accept their offender(s), which will contribute to a gradual replacement of an attitude of ill-will and malevolence with an attitude of good-will and benevolence.

“In this connection, depending on the degree of client progress, the inner experience of forgiveness can potentially be expressed behaviourally in terms of pro-social behaviour and altruistic action… We expect that victims who are successful at forgiving their perpetrators will experience relief from the cancer of bitterness (anger, anxiety and depression). This reduction in negative emotionality, should, in turn, result in a richer experience in awareness and fuller expression in behaviour of ‘Divine Grace’” (Forgiveness for Addiction Treatment Project).

What forgiveness is not

An important part of this treatment philosophy “assumes that forgiveness… be experienced and expressed in full realization that an offender’s actions may not merit such benevolence.”

The “forgiveness” spoken of by these researchers does not depend on the attitudes or actions of the offender. Neither does it imply denying, condoning, excusing or condemning them. It doesn’t demand justice or compensation. Forgiveness is not equivalent to, nor does it require, reconciliation. The International Forgiveness Institute (IFI) explains that forgiveness is “one person’s moral response to another’s injustice. Reconciliation involves “two parties coming together in mutual respect.”

Many make the mistake of assuming that forgiveness should be extended only if the offending party apologizes and makes amends for his or her actions. But to experience the benefits of forgiveness, the victim must be willing and able to let go of resentment whether or not the perpetrator seeks or deserves to be forgiven.

Otherwise, the victim remains at the mercy of the guilty party and continues to suffer from what the program calls “the cancer of bitterness.” This can include mental and emotional turmoil and even degenerative diseases.

What forgiveness is

Clinical psychologist Everett Worthington Jr. offers this definition of forgiveness: “Forgiveness is when an individual who’s been hurt or offended decides and practices giving up his or her desire to avoid the person who hurt him or her, or giving up the desire to exact revenge on the person, and also to seek reconciliation between the two people, if it’s safe and possible” (Robert Owens Scott, “The Practice of Forgiveness,” Spirituality & Health Newsletter).

Many researchers offer this twofold definition: “Forgiveness is releasing the other person from retaliation and wishing the other person well” (Gary Thomas, “The Forgiveness Factor,” Christianity Today, Jan. 10, 2000).

The definition of forgiveness offered by the IFI involves an integrated approach of thought, emotion and behavior. “It is a response to an injustice (a moral wrong). It is a turning to the ‘good’ in the face of this wrongdoing.” Their definition also includes: “Merciful restraint from pursuing resentment or revenge, generosity or offering good things such as attention, time, or remembrances on holidays. Moral love or contributing to the betterment of the other. It is the foregoing of resentment or revenge when the wrongdoer’s actions deserve it and giving the gifts of mercy, generosity and love when the wrongdoer does not deserve them” (IFI).

In short, forgiveness is an unconditional gift to someone who may not deserve it.

Forgiveness in the Bible

What these men have articulated is stated simply and eloquently in many passages of Scripture. In the Sermon on the Mount, the cornerstone of Christian teaching, Jesus tells us to “love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

The apostle Paul advises: “Ask God to bless everyone who mistreats you. Ask him to bless them and not to curse them… Don’t mistreat someone who has mistreated you… Don’t try to get even… If your enemies are hungry, give them something to eat. And if they are thirsty, give them something to drink… Don’t let evil defeat you, but defeat evil with good” (Romans 12:14, 17, 20-21, Contemporary English Version).

These admonitions undoubtedly appear unwise, unwarranted and unfair to a non-Christian. Even Christians have viewed this in terms of a unilateral obligation. Lewis Schmedes observed that “human forgiveness had been seen as a religious obligation of love that we owe to a person who has offended us. The discovery I made was the important benefit that forgiveness is to the forgiver.” Schmedes believes that “untold pain is brought about in the world by people’s unwillingness to forgive and the corresponding passion to get even” (Thomas).

Forgiveness is not easy. But it is the best way for all concerned. By letting go of hostile, vengeful feelings and leaving it up to God to deal with wrongdoers who have hurt us, we can move beyond our hurt to live happy, healthy lives.

The greatest example of forgiveness

Forgiveness is also at the core of the gospel. If you have difficulty forgiving someone, consider the debt of sin that God has forgiven you of when you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Savior.

In Matthew 18 Jesus tells us how to deal with someone who “sins against you.” He enumerates a three-step conflict resolution process followed by forgiveness.

Headstrong Peter apparently found difficulty with the concept of forgiveness. He asked, “How often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21). Peter probably reasoned that he could grit his teeth and utter words of professed forgiveness seven times if he knew that after the eighth incident, he could take actions to get even. But Jesus told him that forgiveness must not only be unlimited, it must also be from the heart.

To put the matter into a spiritual perspective, Jesus told a story of a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. One of his servants who owed a great sum of money pleaded with the king for mercy. The master was moved with compassion and forgave him the entire debt. But the forgiven servant then demanded immediate repayment from a fellow servant who owed him a very small sum of money. The debtor was unable to repay and begged him for mercy.

Instead of extending the mercy he had received for a much larger debt, the unforgiving servant had the other thrown into prison. When the king found out, he was furious. “You wicked servant!” said the king. “I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?” The king then rescinded his original forgiveness and demanded full payment from the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:23-34).

Jesus concludes the parable with the warning, “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses” (verse 35).

God’s perspective on forgiveness

This parable helps us understand how important God considers forgiveness. The point is not whether the other person is worthy. Forgiveness is a fundamental quality of godly love that seeks the ultimate good of everyone.

The International Forgiveness Institute’s definition further explains forgiveness as going beyond the call of duty by “overcoming of wrongdoing with good” to offer “a freely chosen gift (rather than a grim obligation).” The definition correctly promises, “As we give the gift of forgiveness we ourselves are healed.”

Forgiveness is fundamental to healing—physically, emotionally and spiritually. Jesus, the Master Healer, offered His life for the forgiveness of all the sins of all mankind forever. He set the perfect example of forgiveness to His dying breath. Never did He seek vengeance, in word or in deed (1 Peter 2:20-25). Instead He prayed regarding those who crucified Him, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34).

Jesus knew that most people do not realize the full consequences of evil. He also understood the evil potential of the human heart that yields to hostile, vengeful emotions (Mark 7:20-23). He wanted no part of the damage resulting from such emotions for Himself, His followers or anyone else.

As the Christianity Today article concludes, “For international, national, and even personal issues, researchers are finding that a practice taught by Jesus Christ two thousand years ago may be our most effective tool and response” (Thomas).

To make sure we remember the importance of forgiveness, Jesus instituted a most meaningful ceremony to commemorate His death for our sins. When we follow His instructions and partake of the symbols of the bread and the wine (1 Corinthians 11:23-26), we should remember the magnitude of God’s forgiveness and seek to practice forgiveness in every aspect of our personal lives.

Let us learn, practice and benefit from the power of forgiveness.

Recommended reading

We invite you to read our booklet Why Does God Allow Suffering?