As I gazed into her hospital room, I noticed all the flowers. In the bed lay a very frail lady, hooked up to morphine to kill the pain. How could this be the same lady who only a few weeks before was hopping into her car going to work every day? Why, she hadn't even taken a vacation in 11 years. She cared for her sister, her huge house and, at the age of 75, worked 40 hours a week.

Our family prided ourselves that my mother-in-law was so strong and independent for her age. We just knew we would become frail and die before she did. She never complained and would not ask anyone to do anything for her. Now here she lay totally dependent on people to even take her to the bathroom.

It was just a few weeks ago that Dorothy, my mother-in-law, called my husband to take her to the hospital. She was in horrible pain. But while en route she had some loose ends to take care of. She needed to drop some things off at work before caring for herself!

A few days after taking her to the hospital I sat with my husband in a small room listening to the doctor tell us all the places that the cancer was. It might have been faster for him had he told us where it was not. She was not given any chance of surviving it. The best thing they could do for her now was to try and make her comfortable by reducing the horrible pain.

Cancer became a sickness to our family as well. Now I spend my mornings taking her for her radiation treatments. Keeping track of different doctor visits and giving her medication. Fighting with the insurance companies. Sitting in the waiting room and reading magazines and booklets on cancer in hopes of finding suggestions on diet and food she can eat without throwing up.

I have entered into a new world of people who are sick and fighting cancer. I watch as friends and relatives bring in their loved ones for treatment. I can see the strain on some of the caregivers' faces.

It is emotionally draining as I try to stay positive for my mother-in-law, while crying alone or to a friend. At times I feel I am in a nightmare with no end in sight.

As I read our church prayer list, it seems to grow each week, with others being hit with the same dread problem. I also realize that many of us are facing, if we have not already faced it, caring for an aging or sick parent, while trying to care for our own families and maintain an outside job. The task can be unbearably hard without help from God. But is it up to God alone to give us help? How can we be involved in helping families who are dealing with such trials? And how can we cope if we are faced with cancer ourselves?

Here are some things that I have reflected on. I hope they can help you in dealing with such a trial, whether you are caring for someone who is sick or you have been told you have cancer yourself.

Stay close to God

You will need every ounce of strength that you can muster to deal with someone who is sick or with your own sickness. You need encouragement. Go to God and pour out your frustrations, anger, fear and sense of helplessness to Him. Your body can be severely afflicted and you may have a great struggle, but if you trust in God's love, then your spirit will remain strong. "Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7). Remember, our greatest enemy is not the disease, but despair.

Find a support group

There are many help groups listed on the Internet including one just for caregivers. Find a positive, patient friend who will listen to your frustrations and calm your fears.

Love your family

Take the time to love your family. Our family has made this a team effort to help with my mother-in-law. My sons and daughter sit with her while I take a much-needed break. They help with taking her to the doctor and other tasks that may arise. This has caused me to love and appreciate my family so much more because we are pulling together in this. The times with my grandchildren are so much more enjoyable. My husband has taken more time to say I love you to his adult children. Life is just too uncertain to take each other for granted.

Learn to accept and adapt

Accepting the battles that we must go through and learning to adapt will make the course much easier. No matter what life throws at us, it is always going to be temporary. Paul, who himself suffered great trials, said in Philippians 4:12-13, "I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

How others can help lighten the load

Ask how you can help.

Offer to sit with the family member who is sick to give the caregiver a break.

Bring cooked food over. The caregiver is often so overwhelmed with many things and details that cooking is one area that can give welcomed relief.

Don't say "keep me posted" or "let me know how you are doing." Make it a point to call and find out. This makes the person feel that you really care.

Send a card. My mother-in-law often cries when she reads the verses in the cards or the kind encouragements. It gives her hope.

Now we all know what cancer can do, but here is what cancer cannot do, because it is so limited.

What Cancer Cannot Do

It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot shut out memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the Spirit,
It cannot lessen the power of the resurrection.

A couple of months have passed since the trial began, and we are still struggling with my mother-in-law's illness. We are learning to take one day at a time and live it as if it is our last. We live it knowing that God will walk through the day with us holding our hand, catching our tears and giving us great comfort. We are also given strength through the concern from our many loving friends.

Cancer can kill the body, but it cannot kill the hope nor the reality of eternal life. Keep your focus on God and the hope He holds out to all of us, that when this body is no more we can be given a new life--a life for all eternity!