“I’ll do anything except sex.” That was a phrase I heard growing up among some of my church peers. We all knew that the Bible strongly condemned sexual intercourse before marriage. The line was clearly drawn in the sand, and though we did our best not to cross it, some unfortunately made many excuses to get as close to it as possible.

If we were being honest with ourselves, however, we would have had to ask the question: “Who made that line?” We did, not God. We were defining what sexual immorality was, and we were defining how far we could go through our own justification rather than looking to God to define it for us. After all, we thought the Bible left a lot to be self-interpreted.

Does God actually have something to say about this? What does He think about all the actions and thoughts included in the “anything except sex” category? From hand holding to hugs, kissing or more—where does God draw the line?

Why does it matter?

“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18).

Why the distinction between other sins (like lying, stealing, killing) and sexual immorality? The next verse (19) states that our bodies are the temple of God! Doing something against our own bodies would be like spray painting graffiti on our Heavenly Father’s house! It would make it dirty, losing some of its significance, and certainly would not make the owner, the One who dwells within it very happy. It’s hard to look at that and say that sexual intercourse is immoral but that God would be okay with “other” sexual interactions.

Mind before matter, thought before touch

It starts in the head. Jesus Christ removes all our make-believe lines in the sand when He says that even thinking in a sexual or immoral way about someone else is the same as following through with the act (Matthew 5:28).

Sometimes we can trick our own minds by making up excuses of pure intent. We say to ourselves, “I’m not intending to do anything immoral” and then proceed to kiss, hug and snuggle. We develop a way of thinking that says, if the intentions are okay, then the outcome will turn out okay too. But we are only fooling ourselves since this is not the case.

Where it all leads

When we’ve done it once, it becomes comfortable to do again and easier to make the next step. Constant hand holding will only lead to a natural progression of wanting to do more. Each time we take a step further, we rationalize it in our minds with the same thoughts we had before.

The problem is that God created physical touch, in all of its various forms, to chemically produce good feelings within our bodies. We may not know it, but every time we hold someone’s hand, give a hug or place a kiss, we are developing a bond with that other person. Even the little things “awaken love” when it may not be the right time in our life for it (Song of Solomon 2:7).

Once we have established these bonds with someone through lust or physical touch, we will often carry them into future relationships. Actions that should be reserved as a blessing for our future husband or wife become less special, scarred or carry with it past baggage.

God doesn’t do excuses

This is where excuses like “I love him” or “I’m going to marry her anyway” come into play. We often tell these to ourselves and others as we pursue a physical relationship with someone. In our minds, it justifies the actions.

But God doesn’t do excuses. He doesn’t say, “Don’t be sexually immoral, unless you love the other person,” nor does He say, “Don’t awaken physical lust in your mind, or love from physical touch . . . unless you are going to marry that person someday.” No, God is clear when He says that romantic physical touch leads to immoral behavior, and it should not be done except within marriage (1 Corinthians 7:1-2).

“If you play with fire, you will get burned” is a popular saying, but the Bible agrees with this statement in Proverbs 6:27-28. No matter what our initial intentions are, or how we justify our actions in our head, we “shall not be innocent” of committing sin (Proverbs 6:29).

It’s up to you

When seeing how God feels about immoral behavior, physical touch, lust and awakening love, we should align our actions with our Father’s words. This is not the job of our girlfriend, boyfriend or fiancé—it is our job to make our thoughts and actions pure.

In 1 Corinthians 6, we read that we are to flee sexual immorality, not just abstain from it. Run in the other direction! We should be doing everything within our power to remove ourselves from situations that would encourage our emotions and passions to lead us into a physical direction with someone.

This often means sacrificing what we desire to put God first. Joseph is a great example of someone who sacrificed his job, honor and position of authority to remove himself from a tempting situation involving another woman (Genesis 39). For us, this might mean staying away from situations where we would be alone with someone we have feelings for, involving other people in our relationship or even taking a break. We may have to set up personal rules that keep us from temptations when using cell phones, computers or other communication devices.

Redrawing the line

So where is the line? If we are being honest with ourselves, it’s not as far as we might pretend it to be. We need to ask ourselves if we are allowing God’s Word to determine our actions, or if we are taking it upon ourselves to say how far we can go based on our desires. We should all be striving to have clean “temples” for God, so that we can look back and be pleased with our actions of the past.