[ Do's and Dont's ] [ The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous ]

In the previous two installments of this series, we have identified and described the symptoms of alcoholism. Alcoholism is so widespread that most of us know someone afflicted with the problem.

What can you do to help someone who has a drinking problem?

The Barrier of Denial

Unfortunately, a major roadblock stands in the way of help for most sufferers. It is called denial. The difficulty of admitting our problems is intrinsic to human nature (Proverbs 16:2; 21:2). The stigma connected with out-of-control drinking stands in the way for many. No one wants to admit to what he or she is ashamed of.

The dynamics of chemical addiction drive denial far beyond the normal degree of human nature. The desperate craving for alcohol leads the deceitful mind (Jeremiah 17:9) to employ a wide range of "defense mechanisms"—such as rationalization, justification, minimization and blame shifting in order to continue drinking. Laying guilt trips, provoking incidents of anger to justify drinking, lying and many other forms of improper behavior often result. An alcoholic eventually develops a world of illusion that becomes a dangerous mirage of reality.

Somehow this nightmarish world of denial must be invaded and destroyed.

Don't Be an Enabler

The difficulty is compounded by the fact that family members, especially the husband or wife of the alcoholic, often allow themselves to get hooked into this bizarre world of denial. Making excuses for missed work becomes commonplace, spawned by fear of loss of job, desire to avoid rejection by friends and family, and misguided concern for the drinking family member. The mate often prolongs the alcoholic's drinking behavior by becoming an "enabler."

The alcoholic must be allowed to face the consequences of his or her inappropriate behavior. This may involve suffering and sacrifice for other family members. But as long as someone shields drinking behavior, the problems normally will continue and intensify.

It is recommended that the wife or other family members avoid making calls to employers, and let the alcoholic call for himself. If he staggers home, vomits and passes out on the living room floor or front lawn, the natural tendency is to clean him up and put him to bed and then let him have the full force of anger and resentment in the morning. Then his head is pounding with a hangover and he is already ashamed of his behavior the evening before—unless he was in a blackout, in which case he will remember nothing.

If this occurs, allowing him to wake up face down in the residue of the night before can provide a powerful dose of reality. Especially if he wakes up in full sight of his neighbors as they begin their day. An alcoholic usually needs this kind of tough love to help him face the consequences of his drinking problem. The morning after may also be the time to calmly and lovingly encourage him to consider getting help.

Motivation for Seeking Treatment

But what if the alcoholic still refuses to acknowledge the need for help? For many years the belief persisted that an alcoholic has to "hit bottom" before seeking treatment. Sooner or later some crisis will force the alcoholic to face up to reality or suffer tragic consequences—loss of family, financial ruin, imprisonment, a horrible car crash or even death.

Must family members sit by helplessly and wait for tragedy to strike? What if you or someone else in the family are at the end of your rope emotionally and feel you cannot take any more? What if you feel you cannot ride out this dizzying spiral to oblivion? Is a better alternative available?

Dynamics of Intervention

Thankfully, yes. The recommended method is called intervention. Intervention should include prayer—asking God for help and having Him in the forefront of all that is done. Intervention also involves a carefully planned, frank but loving confrontation session by as many family and other meaningful persons as are willing and able to participate. Former U.S. President Gerald Ford's wife, Betty, is a well-known example of successful intervention.

Each participant clearly states facts and feelings about how the drinking pattern has affected his or her life. This information is conveyed after sincerely affirming love and concern to the problem drinker. A combination of support and confrontation is important to let the person know that the others in the room love him or her but cannot and will not continue to tolerate the drinking problem.

Alternatives and consequences should be spelled out. Each person must be prepared to follow through on whatever actions he spells out. No bluffing, no threats.

These only hurt credibility and prolong suffering of all concerned.

Before undertaking this course of action, be sure to seek professional help, including your minister. It is advisable to have a trained facilitator lead and monitor the discussion.

The object of intervention is to secure the alcoholic's agreement to enter a treatment program at the conclusion of the session. Therefore, a plan of action should already be in place so treatment can begin immediately. Treatment should be considered with the same sense of urgency and gravity as a medical emergency such as appendicitis or a heart attack.

Where to Find Help

Where can you find help? What type of treatment is available? Of course this should be investigated long before the intervention is scheduled so you are ready to proceed quickly with your prepared plan of action.

Besides help from your minister, the yellow pages section of your phone book is a good place to go. Look under "Alcoholism Information and Treatment" to find a list of treatment centers in your area. Some are privately operated. Some are nonprofit, usually supported by government funds. If insurance coverage is available, private centers may be a better option. If not, treatment at a public facility may be available on a "sliding scale" basis, which means the cost is adjusted according to the family income. Doctors and governmental agencies (including emergency 911 service in the United States) can also provide referral information.

Treatment Options

What is involved in this type of treatment? First, an assessment interview is set up with the patient to determine the nature and duration of treatment. Detoxification is usually the next procedure, to help remove alcohol from the system and to treat side effects such as withdrawal symptoms. The patient then enters a period of inpatient or outpatient treatment.

Treatment modalities have been standardized in recent years by government regulations and insurance company requirements. Most programs consist of group therapy, individual counseling, lectures and nutritional support.

Family involvement is also critically important, since alcoholism affects the entire family. Participation in treatment also reinforces their love for the alcoholic. Special family group sessions are planned to help families communicate facts and feelings openly and honestly with support from other patients and their families. People help people, and learn about themselves in the process.

The 12-Step Program

The 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is central to the recovery philosophy of treatment. It was developed years ago by recovering alcoholics who analyzed what they did to attain sobriety.

This program has a longstanding track record of success, so much so that adapted versions are used for many other forms of addictive behavior. The success rate can be attributed to the fact that all 12 steps are in harmony with biblical principles. The book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, available from AA, expounds the value of the program to recovering alcoholics.

Treatment centers do not promise to "cure" alcoholism. They offer treatment and a program to follow to maintain sobriety. Gaining and maintaining sobriety is the personal responsibility of each patient. An ongoing "maintenance program" is usually discussed with the patient prior to discharge from inpatient treatment. This involves periodic follow-up group therapy sessions and selection of an AA group to attend at least once a week.

What Is Alcoholics Anonymous?

Alcoholics Anonymous is an international fellowship of recovering alcoholics who meet together to help each other maintain sobriety. The only requirement for joining or attending AA is a desire to stop drinking. There is no cost other than optional contributions for refreshments and cost of meeting facilities.

AA is not a religion. It is simply a support group devoted to helping people stop drinking. Similar support groups exist for many other causes, such as losing weight.

Belief that looking to a "Higher Power" is necessary for sobriety is a fundamental tenet of the 12-step program. "God as we understood Him" is another term used in AA to accommodate people of all religious faiths. The more general "Higher Power" is designed for agnostics and atheists as a beginning point for seeking help beyond the individual sufferer. This should present no problems to God's people. On the contrary, we can appreciate the 12-step program even more because of our understanding of God's plan.

Two other common objections to AA are the foul language that seems to be common fare for many recovering alcoholics, and the fact that many recovering alcoholics smoke profusely at meetings. Neither of these problems is insurmountable. The key is finding the right AA group. The local AA office can steer you to a nonsmoking AA group. An AA group that meets in a church is not as likely to have smoking or use of foul language, simply because of the location.

Meetings are chaired by AA member volunteers on a rotating basis. They lead an informal discussion geared toward maintaining sobriety. Discussions sometimes center on a theme, such as one of the 12 steps and how it applies.

Alcoholics Anonymous has many booklets, for little or no cost, to help explain the organization in much greater detail than is possible within the scope of this article.

Focused Education

The Focused Education team is committed to doing what we can to help families suffering from alcoholism. We appreciate your continued prayers for this much-needed program and for those among us who need hope, help and healing. The ABC lectures on alcoholism can be found on the Web at http://abc.ucg.org/alcoholism/. UN

This article was first published in the Sept. 14, 1998, issue of United News.

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Dos and Don'ts

Don't

1. Threaten, bribe or preach.
2. Lose your temper.
3. Allow your anxiety to lead you to do what the alcoholic should do for himself/herself.
4. Cover up, make excuses for or hide the alcoholic from consequences of his/her behavior.
5. Hide or throw away bottles of alcohol.
6. Argue or reason with anyone who is drunk.
7. Drink along with a problem drinker.
8. Ride with anyone who insists on driving while intoxicated.
9. Accept guilt for another's behavior.
10. Allow your spiritual life to suffer as result of alcoholism.

Do

1. Learn all you can about alcoholism.
2. Become familiar with treatment resources in your community.
3. Be honest with the alcoholic.
4. Keep your cool when talking with an alcoholic.
5. Counsel with your pastor and/or doctor about alcohol problems in the family.
6. Attend Alanon, Alateen or other groups that offer support and helpful information.
7. Teach your children about alcoholism.
8. Do all you can to maintain a healthy atmosphere at home.
9. Be patient; alcoholism can pose many challenges.
10. Maintain your faith in God.

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The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs