Like it or not, pluralism is the new reality in most Western countries. Today many of us find ourselves living and working in close proximity to people with diverse backgrounds and belief systems that are expected to be tolerated—and in many cases, validated. Sometimes pluralism can be a force for good, discouraging harassment by prejudiced people or exposing us to positive things we might not have otherwise experienced. At other times, it can poison a society by introducing sin and even normalizing it. For example, those who practice sinful lifestyles often enjoy full legal protection in the form of hate speech legislation, some of which prohibits not just hateful verbal assaults but any criticism whatsoever (such as Canada's "Bible as hate speech" law that was passed in 2004). While such laws make those who practice these lifestyles feel more accepted, they effectively normalize morally deviant behavior and punish anyone critical of it. It's unfortunate that our society has become so hostile to those who speak out against immorality. This not only affects how we as a church preach the gospel, but also how we personally interact with others. Publishing or broadcasting a warning message to the world provides a format in which we can speak freely and boldly about sin and repentance. But when communicating with friends, neighbors and coworkers, we must be careful to speak the truth about God's way of life in love without causing unnecessary offense. In Colossians 4:6, we are told, "Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one." God expects us to answer the tough questions about our beliefs with wisdom. He even says in James 1:5 that He will grant us wisdom if we ask for it. It is this gift of wisdom we must use when dealing with individuals outside of God's Church. If we are not careful, we may alienate those around us and lose an opportunity to let our lights shine as Christians. Let's look at two sinful lifestyles common in today's world and discuss why it's important to use wisdom when explaining our beliefs to others. Fornication At my workplace, comments are sometimes made regarding sexual norms. The consensus is that living together and having sex before marriage are normal. In fact, it is not uncommon for some to begin and end sexual relationships with each other within only a few months. Why is this not considered a shameful and immoral practice? Because beliefs about morality have shifted dramatically in recent decades. According to a study by the Barna Group, nearly half of Americans in their 20s and 30s believe that morality is based on "what is right for the person" instead of godly principles. Perhaps this is the same half that is more likely to experience a failed marriage, since a) living together before marriage doubles the rate of divorce, and b) nearly half of Americans in this age group maintain such a living arrangement ("A New Generation of Adults Bends Moral and Sexual Rules to Their Liking," www.barna.org, Oct. 31, 2006; "How Broken Families Rob Children of Their Chances for Future Prosperity," www.heritage.org, June 11, 1999; "Cohabitation," www.faculty.rsu.edu/~felwell/Probweb/Presentations/cohabit.html). To set effective personal examples to people in the world, we need to keep our audience in mind. We need to respond to people from the perspective of where they are spiritually, not where we are. For example, it should be clear that those who openly engage in premarital sex do not know the truth of God as we do. And because of the moral permissiveness practiced in today's culture, they are not likely to respond well to direct criticism. If people get the impression that we are self-righteous about our beliefs, we risk losing any positive influence we might have had. I was recently challenged on this point firsthand. One of my coworkers was telling me that he wanted to give his new girlfriend plenty of emotional space early on in the relationship so as not to smother her. Then he happened to mention some details that made it clear they weren't waiting until marriage to have sex. As uncomfortable as I was with this disclosure, I chose not to offer criticism because I knew it would only offend him, not persuade him to repent. Instead, I reserved my comments only for those parts of the conversation in which our values overlapped. By responding this way, I hope I preserved my ability to provide a good example to him in other areas of life should an opportunity arise. Because a direct approach can so easily alienate people, an indirect method is sometimes considered to be more effective at winning people over. Keeping silent on the subject and providing a good example of abstinence before marriage (and fidelity within it) can speak volumes to those around us. By doing this, we gain credibility as people who actually live virtuous lives, not just talk about them while tearing others down. My wife has mentioned to me that her coworkers notice and appreciate this about her. They've told her she doesn't behave like most of the other Christians they have met because she is not hypocritical and doesn't offer unsolicited criticism of their moral (or immoral) choices. Of course, if we're asked directly about our beliefs, we should be ready to give a straightforward answer. Still, we must be careful not to come across as arrogant and opinionated. Using "I" statements is a way to avoid coming across that way. If someone asks us what we think about living a sexually promiscuous lifestyle, we can say something like, "I know I might sound old-fashioned, but I believe God created sex to be something private between a husband and wife. I also believe individuals and families benefit greatly when God's laws regarding sexual purity are kept." This way, we have explained our firm belief in God's moral standards without directly criticizing those who oppose them. Homosexuality Homosexuality is a sin that gets a lot of attention these days due to its role in the culture war. The push to normalize same-sex relationships is growing stronger every day, and has put proponents of traditional morality on the defensive. In the Church, it might even seem natural at times to look at this sin as greater than all other sins. After all, homosexuality is described as an abomination to God in Leviticus 18:22. But there are many other abominations mentioned elsewhere, such as eating unclean meats, idolatry, human sacrifice, sorcery, dishonest business practices, pride, murder, conspiracy, lying and adultery. And James 2:10 makes it clear that any violation of God's laws makes us sinners. God is no "respecter of persons" (Acts 10:34). He will eventually call everyone, but for now He expects His firstfruits to treat all people with respect as they preach the gospel. One problem in communicating about homosexuality is the popular view that sexual orientation is an irrelevant factor when evaluating a person's character. Some find it particularly difficult to understand why Christians would make such an issue out of sexual orientation, since many homosexuals are not doing anything that would be considered directly harmful to their neighbors such as committing violent crime, stealing or selling drugs. In their minds they are simply trying to treat others the way they would want to be treated, regardless of their sexual orientation. It is important for us to be aware of this perception and model Christ's method of interacting with the sinners of His day. He sat down to eat with them and even defended them against the Jewish orthodoxy by emphasizing that He "did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance" (Mark 2:17). Indeed, we should remember that while we were still sinners, Christ gave His life for us (Romans 5:8). This does not mean that we should compromise our standards or stop preaching the true gospel. But when it comes to dealing personally with those who maintain sinful lifestyles, we need to use wisdom when modeling and explaining God's way of life—a way that everyone will one day learn to live. UN Sean Yarbrough attends the Tampa, Florida, congregation.