And Then the Fire Took
For years I read over the description of the fiery darts given in Ephesians 6, thinking little of it. My thought process on the subject was, to put it kindly, stunted. The farthest digging into the matter I'd done amounted to little more than, "Satan throws fiery darts. The shield of faith stops them. Problem solved."
After all, if the shield of faith is capable of stopping the darts from reaching you, what's the point of pursuing the subject any further? Just use the shield and block the darts.
I had failed to consider two things: one, the nature of fiery darts, and two, the fact that I was not going to be able to block every single one. So when I allowed Satan to drive one of his arrows into me, I came to understand that failing to block one does not simply mean "letting one get past you." It means getting hit and feeling pain. I shook off the initial sting, decided to ignore it and continue on. For a moment that worked.
Then the fire took. A simple incident roared out of control. I felt blistering emotional pain, watching in horror as the fire raged on—not only around me, but in me.
Once I had lived in the peace of God—the peace that Jesus promised His followers. Now I felt only the biting cold and hopelessness of a heart that had allowed Satan inside. My prayers for deliverance and rescue seemed unanswered as I struggled to reclaim what I had lost.
I reread that passage in Ephesians 6 with commentary from Barnes' Notes. Barnes writes of the darts that "we may observe, (1.) that they come suddenly, like arrows sped from a bow; (2.) they come from unexpected quarters, like arrows shot suddenly from an enemy in ambush; (3.) they pierce, and penetrate, and torment the soul, as arrows would that are on fire; (4.) they set the soul on fire, and enkindle the worst passions, as fiery darts do a ship or camp against which they are sent...if we have not faith in God, we are wholly defenceless. We should have a shield that we can turn in any direction, on which we receive the arrow, and by which it may be put out."
It wasn't until reading that description of the fiery darts and noticing that it encapsulated exactly how I felt that I realized I had let my shield down. I had let my faith down. I lost my hold on God's peace when—without even realizing it—I began to worry about the outcome of a certain situation in my life.
I failed to believe that, since God is in control, He would work even this circumstance out for the best interests of everyone involved.
I began to worry that what I wanted might not be what finally happens and abandoned the comfort of knowing that I have a loving Father with my best interests at heart in favor of living in my own worries and insecurities.
Working with God to put those fires out and repair the damage they have caused takes time. It will be a difficult road, and it will require time; but I know for a fact that "with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26).
The ultimate outcome of the event that I allowed to set all this off in my heart doesn't matter. What matters is that "all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). What matters is I can look on with peace and know with absolute certainty that God's hand is in the outcome and that it is for the best—and not just my own, but everyone's best.
I have once again found peace—not in the situation, but in the One guiding and directing all things from His unshakable throne. Christ promised us that peace in John 14:27 and 16:33: "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid," and again, "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." UN