Being married and serving with my wife for over 40 years has helped me understand many things better. Plus Elsie and I have read many books on marriage, morality and modesty. And now she has been of great help to me in writing this article.

Most of the women in God's Church are wonderful examples of faith, character and conduct. Coming among godly women who dress and act with modesty, femininity and good taste is like arriving at a refreshing oasis. They have "the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God" (1 Peter 3:4).

God's design of our minds and bodies is "very good" (Genesis 1:31)! Consider God's wondrous design and purpose in making women lovely and men to be magnetically attracted to that loveliness!

It's interesting that the Bible mentions the attractiveness of several women, including Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Abigail, Bathsheba and Esther. So good looks can be an asset for which to thank God and your parents! Or they can be a temptation to vanity as with the "exceedingly beautiful" woman who represented Jerusalem but, God said, "trusted in [her] own beauty" (Ezekiel 16:13, 15).

Outward beauty can be a blessing, but the benefits can be spoiled. "As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion" (Proverbs 11:22).

Chaste feminine character as described in Proverbs 31:10-31 is the greatest beauty. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised" (verse 30).

What Is Modesty?

"Modesty" has several meanings that relate to and overlap each other. It can mean humility, moderation or not calling attention to oneself. And when referring to appearance, clothing and actions, modesty also means not being sexually suggestive, erotic or too revealing. In this article, modesty includes all of these meanings.

What is considered modest depends in part on the culture and times in which one lives. It's wise to dress in styles consistent with one's culture, but make very modest choices within that range of styles. Above all, our goal should be to seek God's approval—to dress and act according to His will (Luke 22:42). How would Jesus advise us? To answer this, we must look at many scriptures.

The apostles Paul and Peter both emphasized that women—especially "women professing godliness"—should dress "in modest apparel," and that their primary concern should be to adorn themselves with good works and righteous character! It's good to read 1 Timothy 2:9-10 and 1 Peter 3:1-6 in different translations.

God has always been concerned about modesty. While Adam and Eve used flimsy leaves to cover their privates, God made them tunics to cover their bodies (Genesis 3:7, 21). Public nakedness is associated with shame throughout the Bible (Revelation 3:18).

"The LORD looks at the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7). But how we voluntarily choose to appear reflects what is in our hearts! People naturally judge us by what they see, and God certainly judges our choices of clothing, makeup, etc. This is so fundamentally important that the Bible often uses clothing to symbolize good or bad spiritual character.

We have a responsibility to be lights to the world! (Matthew 5:14). What kind of first impression is an immodestly dressed Church member making as a representative of Christ and His Church?

God Made Us Different!

God made men to be more visual, with a sex drive that responds immediately to sight and suggestion. Women usually respond more slowly and to romance, relationships and touch. But Satan tempts us to misuse that knowledge for manipulation. Men give intimacy in hopes of getting sex, and women give sex in hopes of getting intimacy and a relationship. Both actions are sinful and foolish.

Never give sex thinking you will win a guy's love! More likely, after the man uses you, he will discard you as a toy that he is bored and disgusted with, as in the true story of Amnon and Tamar (2 Samuel 13:1-15). Put the highest value on your body and sexuality. No man should have access to them until he has patiently courted you, won your love and married you.

To appreciate the magnetic power of feminine allure, consider King David and Bathsheba. The Bible holds David responsible for the adultery (2 Samuel 11:1-4). But Bathsheba may have been partly to blame for not making sure her bathing was hidden from anyone's view. Her exposure so ignited David's lust that he jeopardized his reputation and reign.

Some women understand the allure of their sexuality very well and flaunt it to light fires in men. The motive might be money or the power to tantalize, tease, control and manipulate men. Some halfway understand it and are just trying to be popular or to attract boyfriends. But looking and acting "sexy" will not bring you respect, self-respect or the best kind of husband, if any.

And many females are quite naive, not understanding the powerful effects they have by the way they dress and act. It's easy to send unintended signals. For example, if your body is not for sale, you shouldn't appear to be advertising it. What you might think of as "cute" may look like a sexual come-on to a man. Generally, the more skin a man sees, the more he thinks sex, not respect or love.

Virtually every man between the ages of 12 and 112 who has a normal set of male hormones responds to any female immodesty, overt sensuality or suggestiveness! The response may be lust and sexual arousal. What he sees he wants to touch. But he may have another negative response, such as embarrassment, a compulsive curiosity to see more or annoyance at the distraction. If the man is trying to obey God, he may lament or resent the visual temptation that has provoked a mental battle within him. A man often has mixed feelings, being turned on and turned off at the same time.

Also, women are often dismayed at other women for tempting their husbands, boyfriends, sons, etc., or for setting a bad example for their daughters.

So we see, when you dress or act immodestly, you will likely tempt a brother or future brother in Christ to sin, sometimes starting a domino effect, as Christ warned about in Matthew 5:27-30. Paul said, "Resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother's way" (Romans 14:13; see also Matthew 18:6; 1 Corinthians 8:9-13; 10:31-33). Jesus also said, "Temptation to do wrong is inevitable, but how terrible it will be for the person who does the tempting" (Matthew 18:7, New Living Translation).

And please remember that when we come before God in a worship service, our clothing should be especially modest and not distracting!

Wise and Unwise Decisions

There is a difference between dressing attractively and dressing to attract. Many women wear clothing that is too low, too high, too tight and/or too transparent. Much of it is way too formfitting, defining every curve exactly. Often clothing, body jewelry and tattoos draw attention to body parts, like printed words across one's breasts or bottom.

We suggest the "sit-down test." Sit in a chair in front of a mirror, see if the hem of your skirt still reaches your knees, and look in the mirror to see what others can see under your skirt. Then lean over to see if you can see down your blouse. Godly character is shown by not compromising even in small ways. "[She] who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much" (Luke 16:10).

Be aware that women's fashions change frequently to maintain sexual excitement and sales. For example, once the public is thoroughly accustomed to seeing bare midriffs, fashion designers will cover the belly and expose another part.

Total nudity is less erotic than sexy packaging. A woman in skimpy or tight clothes is more exciting and mysterious because she is tantalizing and teasing to a man in a way similar to a striptease show. His appetite is stimulated to see and imagine more.

The peekaboo effect is also erotic. Advertisers know that a split-second sexy image can have as great an impact as a longer scene. Likewise, high slits in skirts are like flashing lights—now you see thigh, now you don't. Also sheer clothes, loose blouses when a woman leans forward and sleeveless tops with loose armholes offer titillating peeks of skin and underwear.

Many psychological factors are involved in how one's dress and appearance affect others, not just the amount of skin showing. A short skirt is more provocative than shorts of the same length because of the obvious possibility of seeing up the skirt. A top with straps is less provocative than a strapless top. Décolletage without showing cleavage is not nearly as erotic as seeing the same neckline with cleavage showing. Outerwear that looks like underwear is risqué.

Modesty involves more than clothing. Your demeanor—the way you talk and walk, your body language, your type of flirtation and teasing—all must be modest and pleasing to God.

Keep in mind that it's wrong to do anything with the motive of looking seductive or that has a seductive effect on others. Examples of women using clothing, jewelry and makeup to be seductive are in 2 Kings 9:30; Jeremiah 4:30; Ezekiel 23:40; Hosea 2:13; Proverbs 6:25; and 7:10.

Wanting to "fit in" with hot new fashions is tempting, but Paul warned "do not be conformed to this world" (Romans 12:2). Don't choose fashion models as role models! To maintain godly values and good judgment, we do well to avoid many TV programs, movies, magazines and romance novels that are riddled with promiscuity and soft porn! Above all, we must be much more concerned about what God thinks of us than what people think. Please see "What in the World Is Going On?"

In many stores it can be difficult to find garments that are modest, feminine and becoming. But pleasing God is worth whatever effort and sacrifices it takes! A woman can be modest with classic styles that are always in fashion.

"Glorify God in your body and in your spirit" (1 Corinthians 6:20). How? First, by saving sex, seductiveness and sensuality for marriage. Second, by not putting your body on public exhibition, but keeping your secrets until your wedding night, when your lovely body will begin to enrapture that one special man! (Proverbs 5:19).

At the same time, make sure that the number one love of your life is God through Jesus Christ. The Bible is His love letter to you. Lavish your love on Him. Your Prince will be coming soon. Be ready for Him.

It's extremely important that parents teach their children about sex and modesty. The next article in this series will focus on that subject, and will include a list of recommended books that tie in with all four articles in this series. We also recommend our excellent booklet Marriage and Family: The Missing Dimension. 

 

 

What in the World Is Going On?

We are in a culture war fueled by lust and greed. Christian civilization is reverting to heathen nakedness and lewdness. Today, everywhere one looks, there are images of scantily-clad women—to get our attention and money. "Sex sells," so merchandising becomes a type of prostitution. Notice that "greed" is associated with "sexual immorality" and "impurity" (Ephesians 5:3, New Living Translation).

Society puts extreme emphasis on outward appearance, including looking "sexy" and thin, to make people unhappy with their looks in order to sell them stuff—clothing, cosmetics, jewelry, beauty salons, diets, plastic surgery, etc.! True values and modesty will preserve your money, dignity, contentment and your physical and spiritual health.

As immorality and immodesty gradually get worse, everyone is tempted to accept new definitions of "normal." As necklines plunge, so do our standards of acceptance. What we see today was not so long ago considered "indecent exposure." Often trends get started in a subculture and work their way up into mainstream fashion. Amazingly, the garb and makeup of prostitutes have often inspired new fads!

Then there's swimwear. Bikinis cover less than underwear! The patches of cloth draw more attention to the erotic zones of the body than total nudity would. And skintight suits leave almost nothing to the imagination. The beach is a voyeur's paradise. And daring new fashions in swimwear have typically led to similar revealing fashions in street wear.

Prophecies of the end time foretell shameless immorality and immodesty (Jude 3-16; Jeremiah 23:9-14). People will be "loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts" (2 Timothy 3:6). They will "allure through the lusts of the flesh, through lewdness" (2 Peter 2:13-19). God warns that He will administer fitting punishments, using enemies who will humiliate Israelite captives by parading them naked (Isaiah 3:9, 16-26; Ezekiel 16:37-39; 23:28-29). But God has called all of us to "come out" of this world to be God's "sons and daughters" (2 Corinthians 6:14-18).

When women are promiscuous, they often suffer more consequences than the men, including pregnancy and greater disease complications, heartache and depression. When a woman gets a sexually transmitted disease (STD), she often is made incapable of ever having a child. So don't let the world lead you down destructive paths! Guard your precious body and heart!

If you have made big mistakes, remember that God is quick to forgive anyone who sincerely repents. We will be saved by God's grace. The Bible likens a sinner to a naked person, whom God lovingly covers and clothes with His grace and righteousness (Isaiah 61:10; Psalm 32:1; Revelation 3:18; 16:15; 19:8).