Children are a challenge, but a challenge to cherish! And having children brings never-ending joys (Psalms 127 and 128; Proverbs 23:24).

God "seeks godly offspring," so parents serve as God's stewards in preparing their children for membership in God's family (Malachi 2:15). By far the greatest heritage we can pass on to our children is God's truth, faith in God and godly character. Inspire your children to have the highest goals and aspirations for this life and the next.

But Satan the "destroyer" (Revelation 9:11) is out to seduce our youth while their hormones are up and their defenses are down. Diligent parents must be the daily antidote to his poison. As parents, your own previous sins do not lessen your authority and obligation to teach what is right. It is unnecessary and often harmful to "confess" to children past sins for which you are ashamed. Hopefully your influence will result in your children not making similar mistakes.

First of all, pray for your children! As a parent, be as diligent as if it all depends on you, but pray as if it all depends on God!

More than ever, godly parenting is a full-time responsibility, especially in "this present evil age" (Galatians 1:4). But our children can survive and thrive if they have a parent or parents deeply devoted to "train up [each] child in the way he should go" (Proverbs 22:6).

"The way he should go" is revealed in the Bible. Be diligent to have God's words "in your heart" (Deuteronomy 6:6). Then "you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up" (verse 7).

Our Church highly recommends family prayer and Bible study. When families do this on an almost daily basis, it can be a warm bonding time as well as a wonderful habit that can continue until the children leave home. 

But teaching must not be limited to once per day. Deuteronomy 6 tells us to take advantage of every teaching opportunity, and having numerous opportunities requires time and being together.

Much of the teaching is simply by "talk." Encourage conversation about anything and everything. Emphasize and reward honesty so your children will be open and honest with you about everything that happens in their lives. Be respectful of all questions and don't overreact to anything.

There are many excellent books and articles on parenting and Christian morality. "Let the wise listen and add to their learning" (Proverbs 1:5, New International Version). And encourage your children to be avid readers of good books and magazines. For teens and young adults, we of course highly recommend Vertical Thought.

A Top Priority: Teaching Godly Morals!

Teach every godly virtue, with God's standards of sexual morality being a top priority. It's interesting that morality includes other virtues beginning with the letter m —maturity, manners, modesty, moderation, meekness and, for the boys, masculinity and manliness. Incidentally, it's disgusting that filthy entertainment is labeled "mature" or "adult."

For a large part of what needs to be taught, we strongly recommend parents read the three previous articles on sex in this United News series, beginning with the May issue.

This article does not address the subject of teaching young children about "the birds and the bees." This article focuses on teaching morality, especially to preadolescents and adolescents, but the job is much easier if your children have been having wholesome age-appropriate teachings about sex all along. Preparing for Adolescence by Dr. James Dobson is an excellent book to read and then discuss with each child before he or she reaches puberty. Dr. Dobson has also written several other very helpful books on parenting.

Teach by Your Godly Example

Above all, be good role models. Attitudes are caught as well as taught. Children automatically tend to imitate their parents. Words mean little if you don't practice what you preach. Any inconsistency or compromise with godly standards will undermine your credibility and effectiveness.

Even silence sends a message. If parents are too embarrassed to talk about anything sexual, that sends a negative message that there is something shameful about our bodies and sexuality. Children will be reluctant to ask questions or discuss anything with their parents that they think might embarrass them.

It has often been said that the best thing a father can do for his child is to love his mother. A child is immensely blessed when he has two parents who clearly love each other, love their children and are affectionate. (With great diligence, God's help and hopefully support from extended family and friends, a single parent can also have great results.)

For example, a major factor that tempts teens toward promiscuity is their feeling starved for affection because they didn't receive it from both parents while growing up. Likewise, parents, usually fathers, who are absent or emotionally cold greatly increase the likelihood of children experiencing gender confusion (versus proper sexual identity) or same-sex attraction (homosexual tendencies). A valuable resource for understanding same-sex attraction and its solutions is articles within the Breaking Free website published online by United Church of God at breakingfree.ucg.org.

True love has a firm side (rules and discipline) as well as soft side (affection and praise). A mature parent is fun and fun-loving, but is also clearly in charge, not a pal or buddy.

Flee Sexual Immorality!

The penalties for breaking God's laws concerning sex are many! They include being infected with one of the many terrible types of STDs, an unwanted pregnancy, damaged reputation, failure to achieve desired goals, financial loss, legal problems, grieving parents and broken hearts. Adultery breaks up marriages. Mental and emotional scars from fornication commonly hurt one's future marriage relationship.

According to the Bible, sexual immorality is the most self-damaging sin mentally and spiritually, and oftentimes physically (Proverbs 6:24-35). The apostle Paul paraphrased Proverbs 6 and said, "Flee sexual immorality!" (1 Corinthians 6:18). Later he wrote to Timothy, "Flee also youthful lusts" (2 Timothy 2:22). Stay completely away from sexual temptations!

A teenager might complain to a parent, "You don't trust me!" A parent could reply by saying no human being can be completely trusted, and especially not when he is in a tempting environment! Jesus strongly emphasized that everyone should do whatever is needed to avoid tempting situations (Matthew 5:27-30).

Jesus also strongly warned against tempting someone else, such as by immodest dress or suggestive conduct (Matthew 18:6-10; Romans 14:13, 21).

We recommend you read a two-part online editorial by Dennis Prager titled "Why Young Women Are Exposing Themselves" at www.worldnetdai ly.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID =37160 (the URL of the second part ends in 37274).

Almost every book in the New Testament warns about the evil of sexual immorality, so the writers knew that Church members and their children would face strong sexual temptations—temptations to intentional acts and impulsive acts. Depending on the particular translation, the Bible warns of adultery (extramarital sex), fornication (premarital sex), lasciviousness, lewdness, licentiousness, sins of the flesh, uncleanness, whoredom, sodomy and lust. All illicit sex adulterates (pollutes) one's marriage or future marriage.

In the Greek New Testament, the main word for all forms of sexual immorality is porneia, from which we get the English word pornography. A recently published book, Porn Generation, by Ben Shapiro, accurately describes today's culture.

The easy availability of pornography on the Internet and elsewhere is vile and despicable, leading countless men and boys into a terrible addiction to pornography. And much of what is on TV and in movies is soft porn that often leads to hard porn. (Most businesses are willing to be a bad influence on kids if that's what it takes to make more money.)

If you have children living at home, please buy software to block porn sites, and if you have cable TV, please arrange for blocks on MTV and all other objectionable sites. Some parents even get rid of TV reception and merely have players and monitors for rented and purchased videos.

Things to Teach

The first nine chapters of Proverbs focus largely on morality versus immorality. At times, it is good to read Proverbs to your children, but it is more important that parents read it over and over again to learn what to teach and how to express it (using modern terminology).

Important strengths to impart to your child are confidence, courage and a willingness to be different —so "if sinners entice you, do not consent" (Proverbs 1:10). Our kids need to be prepared to say no to many things, including smoking, alcohol, drugs, crime, dirty language and sex. Explain how alcohol or drugs contribute to lower inhibitions and reckless decisions. Boys and girls both need strong moral boundaries as they have to cope with sexually aggressive boys and girls.

Girls should be especially careful to avoid risky situations—not being alone in unsafe places, not riding with strangers, not being immodestly dressed, etc.

Instill in them a desire to please God more than any human being. Doing wrong to gain "popularity" often doesn't work at all, and when it does, it is short-lived. The Bible emphasizes choosing your friends wisely, because we are strongly influenced by our companions, plus our reputation depends largely on our associations (1 Corinthians 15:33; Psalm 1:1; Proverbs 2:16; 5:3; 7:5; 9:13; 13:20; 14:7; 28:7). Peers with good character will exert good peer pressure!

There is "a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing" (Ecclesiastes 3:5). God's will is that passionate kissing and petting (intimate touching) are pleasures reserved only for married couples. God intended them as a natural prelude to intercourse—as part of a married couple's foreplay. When single people indulge in this, no wonder they are tempted to "go all the way!" That is the process that God designed for married couples!

Children must be taught vision to foresee long-range consequences—that they will reap what they sow, good or bad, even if the harvest comes many years later (Galatians 6:7-10). God's laws are absolute, which means lawbreaking will absolutely and automatically bring consequences (Proverbs 6:24-35; Jeremiah 2:19; 4:18). How wonderful it is to wait till marriage to "know" a partner (Genesis 4:1), and not suffer with any regrets.

At the same time, parents must emphasize how merciful God is, very willing to forgive any mistakes and sins when a person truly repents and conforms to God's ways.

Emphasize the Positive

Explain the terrible consequences for sin, but spend at least as much time explaining God's wonderful plan for being sexually pure before marriage and passionate in marriage. Help boys feel good about being male and help girls feel good about being female, each having awesome potential. Encourage plenty of wholesome activities to occupy their time. As a family, be very active in your local congregation and with church youth activities.

God told Adam and Eve that they could eat of every tree in the Garden of Eden except one. It may not always seem that way, but God says yes to many more things than He says no to. Don't lust for forbidden fruit. God knows what is best for us! When God says no to something, He is saying yes to something better!

When someone who is called by God is picking a mate to marry, the most important requirement is that the mate is also called by God. The apostle Paul wrote you can marry whom you wish, "only in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39). Many other scriptures corroborate this. Therefore, all serious dating should be with people in God's Church. One benefit of this is that the people one is dating usually have high standards. But don't be overly trusting just because someone is supposedly "in the Church."

The rewards for remaining a virgin until marriage are well worth the wait! It's wonderful to see many groups emphasizing sexual abstinence until marriage, promoting "proud to be pure" and encouraging pledges to "Save Sex," "True Love Waits," etc.

For those who desire to be married, who faithfully put God first and wait patiently for God to be the Matchmaker, God will greatly reward them. Those rewards usually include marriage, but not always. Living a single life can have spiritual advantages, as Paul explains in 1 Corinthians 7. Whatever sacrifices we suffer in this life will be tiny compared to our glorious life in God's Kingdom (Romans 8:18; 2 Corinthians 4:17)!

Teach your children this: "Trust in the LORD, and do good . . . and He shall give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:3-4).

Marriage is sacred. It is a type of "Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:32). And one's sexuality is sacred. Teach each child not to give away the most precious thing he or she has to offer to a future wife or husband—"not to awaken love until the time is right" (Song of Solomon 2:7, NLT).

Recommended Books:

Secret Keeper—The Delicate Power of Modesty, by Dannah Gresh.
Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney.
Sex Is Not the Problem—Lust Is, by Joshua Harris.
Every Young Woman's Battle, by Shannon Ethridge.
Christian Modesty—The Public Undressing of America, by Jeff Pollard
Sexy Girls—How Hot Is Too Hot? by Hayley DiMarco.
True Sexual Morality—Recovering Biblical Standards, by Daniel Heimbach.