A few years back a popular book said men and women can't communicate very well because men are from Mars and women are from Venus. It was an interesting concept that helped many people focus on the differences between men and women that affect how we relate to one another. The image of aliens from different planets was a powerful one, if too stereotypical. Still, anything we can do to help us understand each other is good.

Along the same lines, if men are from Mars and women are from Venus, sometimes it seems children are from Pluto—even harder to understand (consider the gross humor, the computerese, the strange music, etc.).

Sometimes kids seem too swayed by crass commercialism and materialism. (Marketers of products such as toys, clothing and music seem to know how to speak their language and push their buttons—but often they should be ashamed of themselves.) Other times young people seem to really see this world's problems and solutions more clearly than adults.

We can learn a lot from these creatures from Pluto. Jesus Christ took time for children, and even said we are to be like them. They are a gift, on loan from God. They really are out of this world!

But to learn from them, we must start by learning to communicate with them—learning their language.

I used to work for a company that published information about languages and technology. My shelves at work were filled with software to help people learn Spanish, Japanese, Swedish, Vietnamese—but nothing on Pluto.

The software contained audio, speech-recognition playback, full motion video, interactive sessions and games. There are many ideas about the best way to learn a language. But still the biggest factors are the desire of the student and the time spent listening and speaking. If you really want to understand these aliens from Pluto, you'll make progress.

Focused attention

Over the years, a lot has been written about rearing children. A few years back a good book was published titled How to Really Love Your Child by Dr. Ross Campbell. It stressed the importance of giving our children love through eye contact, physical contact and focused attention.

"What is focused attention?" Dr. Campbell wrote. "Focused attention is giving a child our full, undivided attention in such a way that he feels without doubt that he is completely loved. That he is valuable enough in his own right to warrant parents' undistracted watchfulness, appreciation, and uncompromising regard. In short, focused attention makes a child feel he is the most important person in the world in his parents' eyes" (1977, p. 55).

More than a century ago, the book Gentle Measures by Jacob Abbott recommended, "I think there can be no doubt that the most effectual way of securing the confidence and love of children, and of acquiring control over them, is by sympathizing with them in their childlike hopes and fears, and joys and sorrows—in their ideas, their fancies, and even in their caprices."

And more than 3,000 years ago Moses wrote: "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, New International Version).

Quality vs. quantity

Learning a language and communicating takes time. Years ago there was a big debate about spending quality time with kids versus quantity.

The debate seems to have died down, partly, I'm afraid, because parents are too busy and burned out to feel they can do either. But sometimes we have to make changes to allow both kinds of time.

Quality time is still important. When my children were younger, most nights I didn't get home from work till after 7 p.m., and they needed to be in bed by 9. The time was pretty packed with getting supper on the table, eating, cleaning up, sometimes playing a short game, getting ready for bed, brushing and flossing teeth, brushing hair, reading a story and a Bible story and praying.

It went by fast, and there wasn't always a lot of time for talking. But if I sat in front of the TV instead of reading to the girls, I think it would have widened the rift between the planets. As it was, some nights after the glass of water and tucking in came the deepest discussion of the day (much to my wife's chagrin as she knew they needed their sleep!).

Quantity time is important too. I know I need it. A couple of minutes on the phone doesn't cut it when I'm on a trip. One of the hardest times of my life was when I took a job five or six weeks before the rest of the family could join me. Maybe people from Venus and Pluto can survive that, but this Martian was at wits' end.

Planetary-alignment time

There's a lot more to rearing Plutonians than spending time, talking and listening. But it's a start.

Every year 50,000 people in Spokane, Washington, put on jogging shoes and run about 7.5 miles in a race called Bloomsday. I'll never forget the year my 8-year-old daughter Heather and I "ran" it together. Over the previous couple of months we had the chance to train together a few times (not nearly as many as we wanted because of sickness, business trips and a busy life).

I'll always treasure those times. We may not have done a lot of running, but walking and talking about the things on her mind gave me a much greater grasp of what things are like on Pluto.

We didn't set any speed records in the Bloomsday "race" itself—though Heather did take off like a bullet when she saw the finish line! But far more rewarding than finishing the race itself was spending the time together beforehand. As a parent I've learned to look for and appreciate such opportunities to do a little cosmic engineering—moving Mars and Pluto just a little closer to each other. GN