I was born into a large family—large and complicated.

I was raised with five half-brothers and sisters, I have three half-siblings that I grew up knowing of, but not ever seeing, and I have one half-sibling that I didn’t even know existed until two years ago. Like I said--it’s complicated.

Learning to love and have a relationship with different people can be challenging, and adding the expectations that being family carry, and it can seem impossible.

Hopefully your family isn’t quite as complicated as mine, but relationships can be challenging no matter the dynamics. We often form relationships and feelings for our siblings in childhood; you have a shared history that helps form the basis of your interactions. But maybe, like me, you don’t have that shared history with your siblings. Or maybe you just don’t like the patterns of relating that you’ve established with your siblings. Regardless, there are biblical principles that can help us build and strengthen our relationships with our siblings.

1. Don’t impute motives

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “He/she did X just to annoy me!”? Maybe it’s true, maybe they did do or say something just to annoy you, or maybe their actions have no hidden motive whatsoever. By assigning negative motives to someone’s actions you’re fostering bad feelings toward that person. But 1 Corinthians 13:5 tells us that love “imputes no evil” (Young’s Literal Translation). So the next time your brother or sister says or does something that annoys you, consciously choose to believe they have the very best intentions at heart.

2. Be patient

Being patient can apply to so many different situations: be patient when your brother or sister is being annoying; be patient if your sibling isn’t working as hard at the relationship as you would like; etc. Proverbs tells us that “with patience a ruler may be persuaded” (Proverbs 25:15, New Revised Standard Version). Your brother or sister might not be a ruler, but the concept is the same; if we are patient with someone and allow them the space to work through a situation, they’ll be more likely to respond in a positive manner.

3. Choose to love

Love is not just a feeling. Love is an action. To build or strengthen a relationship with anyone, particularly our siblings, we must actively choose to act in a loving manner towards them, regardless of the circumstance. We must let “brotherly love continue” (Hebrews 13:1), and sacrifice for one another. By sacrificing our time and our resources, we are in effect laying down our life for others (John 15:13).

God loves families! He gives us brothers and sisters to help us grow; by choosing to love them, being patient, and believing the very best of them we can forge and strengthen strong bonds that can last a lifetime. In so doing we can become more like our Heavenly Elder Brother, Jesus Christ.